We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
