You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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