Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
