You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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