Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize