i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
