so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
