i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
