Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
