if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
