I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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