well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
