Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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