what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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