hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
