I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
