I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
