I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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