fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
