Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
