Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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