Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
