the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
