he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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