i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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