She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize