allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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