When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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