So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
