i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
