Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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