I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
