i need an iv and a liver transplant
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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