we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
