i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
