you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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