Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
