he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize