Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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