.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
