My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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