So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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