There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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