but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
