Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
