everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
