I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
