Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
