I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
