Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
