Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
