I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
