Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
