I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You're like the curious george of whores
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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