I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
