I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
