Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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