if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
