Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
