I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
